April Showers and What Not

Things are thawing out! 

There have been times in the past when I have gone back and forth about what I would discuss in my post. Should I only talk about the good stuff? Do I let people in on the “ugly”? How honest should I be, can I be? It sometimes delays a post for days or even weeks. Truth be told, I started this post last week and had to leave it because I became too overwhelmed by my thoughts and emotions. However, I always go back to the fact that this blog is supposed to be about my journey. This is one of the most incredible adventures I could hope to be on, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But let me make it clear and say that it isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it is frustrating and aggravating, confusing and saddening. I’ll be honest and say that this past semester, this past month, has included a lot of those not so great moments. 

The Newhalen River

Teaching in rural Alaska is one of the most challenging things I have ever done. In my village, there can often be a disconnect between the community and the school. I don’t leave school and drive three towns over, or to another city, or even another state. I leave school and am surrounded by the families of the children I teach or who have students in the school. When things are so closely connected, as they are in a village, it can have an impact on both your career and your personal life. No matter how long I live here, I think I will always feel like an outsider, a burden, a "white person”, someone to distrust the moment change occurs. This is not to say that I feel this way every moment or that it ruins my experience, but it is a deep down feeling that is there at the end of even the best days. I wish I could explain to anyone who will listen, that I am not here for the money. I did not move 4,000 miles away, leaving my family and friends, just for the incredible views; they sure do help keep me here though. I do not continue to sign my contract “just because”. My sole purpose in coming here, in being here, in staying here, is to help the kids. 

Hatcher Pass 

In the past weeks, I have done a lot of reflecting and have spent countless moments going back and forth on whether I am meant to be here, if I am meant to be teaching. I’ve always admitted that I don’t envision myself in a classroom for the rest of my life. Yet, I never thought I would want out after only three years into my career. Again, at the end of the day, I stay for the kids. I’ll give it one more year out here and then we’ll see what happens next. Maybe Sam and I will stay in Alaska and maybe we won’t. Maybe I’ll continue to teach and maybe I won’t. I’m not so sure what the future holds for me, so for now I’ll take it one day at a time. I try to find comfort in the fact that I truly feel that I am meant to be here right now, in this place, doing what I am doing. If only I could remind myself that on the days in which I am questioning everything.. 

Reunited! 

While there have been many trying times in the past weeks and months, there have also been some really great moments. I think I'll go with a list recap for this post because to be honest, it has taken a lot of my mental energy to write this much. Here's what happened in April.. 

*State testing came and went with no major issues.

*I made a very short, overnight trip to Pilot Point, and had a great time seeing my first set of “my kids”. 

*I had the chance to spend a night snuggling with sweet Ila and visiting with her momma. 

Santa was on vacation:/ 

*I became an “Auntie” again as two of our friends welcomed their son in early April! Auntie Paige won’t get to meet Baby Brunn until August, but I’ve been loving pictures and updates from his momma! 

*Wedding planning has begun! We’ve picked a date and location, and are so excited to tie the knot:) 

*Speaking of weddings, I got my engagement ring back after sending it to be resized! I only got to wear it for a few days after the special day before sending it out. I’m thrilled to have it back on my finger. 

A mini Hammill family reunion:) 

*Nikki and Frank (My sister and brother-in-law) and Shawnee and Joey (my best friend and her boyfriend) came to Alaska!! Sam and I met them in Anchorage and we had some fun sightseeing adventures, rode the tram at Alyeska, went to the Wildlife Conservation Center, and more. After Caitlin joined us, the 7 of us road-tripped to Fairbanks to visit Santa Land in North Pole (yes, it’s really a town!), soak in Chena Natural Hot Springs, visit an Ice Museum, see the Northern Lights, and tour "Alaska Land". We had some long days, but the memories and sights were worth the lack of sleep and long hours in the car! It was such a great week and was a much needed break. 

Flattop Mountain

*During our trip to Anchorage, we were able to meet up with my cousin Jeremiah who lives there with his family. (He's the one I very randomly ran into in King Salmon at the beginning of the school year). I was happy for the chance to visit with him and hope to see him again soon! 

*This past week brought with it Culture Week, a week in school were the community comes in and we spend the entire week focusing on culturally important things, specifically Dena’ina traditions. We made kuspuks, worked on tanning moose hide, practiced Dena'ina language, mended nets, beaded necklaces, heard stories from elders, and focused on Dena'ina values.

Moose hide blanket toss!

*One project from Culture Week that fascinated me was tanning the moose hide. This is such a laborious process that yields a beautiful product at the end. The end result is leather that can be used for a variety of projects. One of the steps was wringing out the hide after it had spent a day soaking in caribou brains and bear fat (kind of gross but equally fascinating). Once it had been wrung out, it was to be taken inside where it would be stretched out and left to dry. Someone mentioned “one time when we were tanning a hide, they tossed the kids up on it…” and before I knew it, we had one of our youngest students on the hide and we were tossing her into the air. Then, we went into the gym, grabbed a mattress and some stronger adults, and began tossing anyone that wanted a chance. Though I was hesitant, I had to give it a try! It was terrifying to trust students and community members to catch me, but oh how exhilarating it was! The kids have teased me ever since because I screamed the entire time (check out my Instagram or Facebook to see the video). Life will bring with it experiences you never thought possible. Being thrown into the air and caught on a moose hide is not something I ever even thought might happen to me, and yet I can now add it to the list of things I’ve done. 

Can you come back now??

*The weather just keeps warming up. Our lake is finally, albeit very slowly beginning to look like a lake again. My parents come out in two weeks and I’m curious to know if we will still have ice in the lake when they arrive. 

*The days are getting longer and longer. The sun rose at about 6:20 this morning and the sun will set around 10:15. This is one of my favorite times of the year! 

Love that I get to walk through
 life with this guy by my side<3 

As I said earlier, there were a lot of great things to happen this month! I look at this list I’ve typed out and it helps me focus on all the positive things going on and helps push the frustrating things to the back of my mind. Another thing that helps me is knowing that I will be heading back to my east coast home in less than 20 days! Let's hope the April showers really bring some May flowers to get us through the rest of the school year!