Sorry folks, we’re taking a break from our regularly scheduled transition posts to focus on something else that’s been weighing on my mind for quite some time. This past year, the two questions I’ve been asked the most are “Where are you moving next” (or some variation) and “How’s the wedding planning going?”. Friends, family, new district staff, you name it, they’ve asked it. Which is great because those are two easy and seemingly non-awkward or painful conversation starters. It’s the safety zone of conversations when conversations dwindle or the ice-breaker when a new conversation begins. You want to talk to me, that’s great and I appreciate it, and sure I will talk to you about both. The problem? Most people don’t like a lot of my answers.
What?! No Paige! We support you, it’s your day, do your thing, it doesn’t matter what others want, etc. etc. etc. I love you for the supportive comments that you’ll undoubtedly post when I share this link on Facebook, but let’s be honest with each other. As for the moving question, I think I covered that in the last post and well the title of this post leads for a wedding focus, so let’s stick with that. It’s a very well known fact in life that no matter who, what, where, when, how or why, someone will always have something to say about every facet of your life. School, sports, weddings, driving, babies, jobs, EVERYTHING we ever do is at risk for being commented on by other people. I am totally guilty of this, and I have never met someone who hasn’t been. It’s human nature to express opinions, which is awesome because freedom or speech and what not. What we need to remember is that in most cases, unless people have asked us for those opinions, we run the risk of just making relationships awkward when we express them. You see, after the opinion has been expressed, either the person is going to accept it, ignore it, politely offer some words to get away from the conversation, or worse yet they will feel the need to explain themselves. And strictly in terms of wedding planning I can say from first hand knowledge that I don’t feel the need to explain myself to you, or you, or you or that guy over there.
Right on sister, you do you! Except for the fact that if you really knew me, you’d know that I am, to the core of my inner being, a people-pleaser. Not only that, but I have this weirdly strong emotional reaction to the emotions of other people; my older brother was running late to the police academy one time and seemed stressed and I almost cried. It’s irrational, but it’s there people, so let’s acknowledge it. Add these together along with wedding planning, and well it’s likely that the comments and suggestions you make, when not asked for, are going to cause inner turmoil and will also cause me to question everything for the next, oh let’s say 76 years.. Does that mean I don’t want anyone’s input or help? Not at all, I love that you’re taking the time and energy to have conversations with me. I love that you want to help. I love that I have friends and family willing to do anything and everything for me, especially because I am in Alaska.
What I am expressing is that my wedding day is going to be perfect because I get to stand in front of my family and friends and show off my husband. Maybe the food won’t be to your liking or there won’t be enough decorations, or August is going to be too hot. Maybe you won’t like my dress or the ones that I allowed my bridesmaids to pick. You’ll probably have opinions on the fact that Sam has a groomswoman and that my bridal party is larger than his. You might think it's silly that Sam and I exchanged vows in our Alaskan village in February and still want this "real" wedding to celebrate with family and friends. Perhaps you won’t like the beer we have or that we'll be drinking soda straight from the can. But must you comment on this to let me know you don't like this or that or the other thing? Please just trust me when I say that we are VERY much aware of the decisions we are making for our wedding. Therefore, your negative comments in regards to why you don't like our choices about this or that are just going to make things acca-awkward. If I’m talking to you about the wedding and you see something that is guaranteed to cause logistical disasters, please let me know. If you are helping me with a wedding task and have your opinions, please express them, I have asked for your help for a reason. If you see something in a store that you think would be a great addition, I love that you’re thinking of me, please send pictures. But please don’t make me feel bad about having a cookie bar instead of cake and lawn games instead of a dance floor.
We live in a society in which people are judged for every single thing they do, who they do it with, why they do it, and everything in between. Weddings are a celebration of two people coming together and making a commitment and should be just about what those two people want. If you don’t like what they have planned, just let them do it anyway because it’s obviously what they want. You think the wedding bouncy house is a disaster waiting to happen? Let it happen and laugh about it with your co-workers the next week. You’re upset you can’t make it to their destination wedding, they’ll still like you but feelings might get hurt if you make them feel guilty about planning a wedding so far away. When there are so many ugly things in our world and so much negativity, let’s just try to raise up people in the moments that we can. I AM GUILTY. I think I wrote this post more to help me change my ways than anything, and no this is not targeted at you, or you, or you or that guy over there. Nothing other than free time to focus on my thoughts stemmed me to write this post.
To all the wonderful men and women in my life, please know that I support you. I may think you’re crazy for certain things or maybe there are things that I’d do differently, but I won't comment on them because I want you to be happy, especially on your wedding day. If you want a huge lavish wedding, please have it and enjoy it and savor every moment. You’re going to elope? I’d love to see pictures if you want to share them with me! I didn’t get invited because we’re not that close or we haven’t talked in years? I wish you nothing but happiness and hope we can catch up sometime so I can hear about it. You want a 5-year engagement? Just let me know when to be where. You’re getting married a month after getting engaged? Congrats! You don’t want to get married, there’s nothing wrong with that! You aren’t ready for marriage? There’s no perfect time, move at your pace! Please please please plan the wedding, or two weddings or five or zero, that make you and your soon to be spouse happy and at peace. I love you and wish you well.
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