The time has come when I reveal one of my secrets in an effort to explain what I want to get across in this post. My mother is truly one of the only people who knows the depth of this secret and she can attest to my succumbing to the fear on more than one occasion. I, a 22 year old girl living in a remote village in Alaska, am afraid of the dark.
Maybe I can blame it on growing up next door to a cemetery or having a sister who talked to ghosts when she was a baby. Whatever the reason, it’s a fear that doesn’t go away. There have been countless times where I psych myself out of walking between my car and my house when my mom or step-dad forgot to leave the porch light on (I’ve stayed in my car for twenty minutes before trying to get the courage to get out). Then, when I get in my house and face the darkness in there, I run from my front door up the steps to the safety of my room, certain that someone watching me (again with the ghost-talking-to sister).
So now that we know that the girl who decided to move into a village straight out of “30 Days of Night” is afraid of the dark, maybe I can try to paint a picture of the darkness here. For example, tonight it’s incredibly cloudy and I can’t see the moon or stars in the sky. There are a handful of streetlights throughout my village, but that’s it. Other than the lights from people’s houses, which there also aren’t many of, it’s pitch black. On night’s when the moon is out, it isn’t so bad. It can even be calming and peaceful.
However, there’s night’s like tonight when it’s cloudy and you can’t see more than two feet in front of you. I must also add that it’s not a darkness that your eyes adjust to; it’s just dark. Picture standing outside your house with the lights off. Then take away the street lights. Then take away the lights of cars driving by. Oh and don’t forget to turn out the lights next door and down the road. Make sure you turn off the lights in your town and the city and the next city over as well. Actually take away the lights from your whole county. But don’t forget to take away the twinkle of the stars and the light of the moon. Close your eyes and then add a blindfold. Ta-da, you’re close to picturing what darkness in rural Alaska is like.
Out here in the villages, we don’t have the lights of the next town over to light up the sky or the lights of cars shining in the the windows of our houses (sometimes you can hear a honda driving by, but even their lights can’t fight through the darkness). It’s simply pitch black, just like the scene in Finding Nemo when they drop the goggles (I’m just praying I don’t run into the Alaskan version of that scary fish) So that’s why I continue to find myself spending about five minutes standing in the building I workout in just staring into the blackness before I run the three feet to safety. As if I could see anything out there.. Oh and did I mention the wind? Because when that’s blowing against your house it sounds like there’s someone coming to get you. Alaska-1, Paige- 0.
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